Love under will, part 1

So I was watching Mark for the rest of the year, to find out what does he want to do with his life, what is his will? What is he creating? His relationship with the third girlfriend Lee started around the end of July or beginning of August 2001. His friends liked her, but to me it seemed that his motive for this relationship is to use her to make Amanda and Elisabeth wrong. Those two relationships did not work out as Mark wanted to be totally unaccountable, and by starting new with Lee he was getting back to them by making them wrong. Telling them, look I am with someone younger and prettier than you, you have financial/career success but she is much more good looking and flexible. Mark had written me off and was juggling those three girlfriends, that they all got good qualities but they must pick up the pieces when he smashes the relationships to bits with his conduct and these women were super fast been made emotionally insecure but willing and consenting to be invalidated and to work hard and pick up the pieces every time he bolts out of the relationship.
In the 5 months he was with Lee I saw two things that really made up my mind to let go of him completely. First of all, that when he gives attitude to Lee, which he did big time, she would show up week ends with her little white car, eager and determined to get her man, and he would go out on the pull Tuesday to Thursday mainly. So, he was telling her try harder but you don't count and she was positive minded about it and she did not fall sick. More than anything else that really counts. Lee didn't fall sick from getting attitude and cheating from Mark. I was comparing notes on this, and after this hello-goodbye sex, I had lost control of my health. My weight went up and down by 1 stone at least 3 times in 8 months, I had insomnia, something was hitting my nervous and immune system and health balance was lost. The two things he was getting from Lee that she is determined to be positive minded no matter what he does to her and she doesn't fall sick and that she likes his friends and they like her, these two things he was Never going to get from me. No way I can provide him with so much tolerance and stay optimistic. So the question what are we doing to the world? With Lee he put together good appearences that he drives around with a pretty and optimistic girl and because he sleeps around a lot "society" that's to say all the cackling harridans, venomous sluts and frenzied goldiggers and his walletfaggot friends are calm and reassured that she doesn't threaten their grip on Mark,they will not lose their opportunity to strike out for his money and favours, they are still cause over him, they are still managers of his head. Valerio did not stop being Mark's head manager dictating to him what to think and what to do, as a cheating relationship is cripple. What his buddies approve is a good looking, tolerant and cripple relationship. To me the most shocking moment I remember from Lee was when I saw her smiling and nodding with acceptance and respect to Valerio. I have never recovered from the shock. This is a guy with an inferiority complex who takes all his self-worth from advising and monitoring Mark, he is his head manager. So, when Mark asked her one night, "Joanna is not talking to me, what should I do with her?" and she said "do something to get at her", I went into denial. I thought this is not for real, this is not happening, Lee respects Valerio which is crazy and Mark and Lee agree to "get at me??" what for?? What IS all this nonsense?? Mark and Lee got some very compatible stupidity. Really they have an stupidity wavelength that keeps them together. What am I doing here? How do I fit in? What goals do I have in common with this couple? Nothing. I am irrelevant to them and they are irrelevant to me. Naaa!! this won't happen, this is totally unreal. Get rid of them completely!
What Mark wants? Relationships on his own terms.
What do I want? Somebody more considerate, intelligent and with good quality friendships in his life. I should get to go out with other guys, without fail.
Lee doesn't fall sick when Mark sleeps around with 15 behind her back, and she doesn't sleep around or flirt with other guys, at least that's what I managed to observe in those 5 months, she was focused and determined to get and keep her man. The thought that if the guy sleeps around with 15 in 5 months, which is 3 new conquests a month, this is either a joke relationship or an abusive emotionally relationship did not exist for Lee. She and me were coming from different galaxies, but she was a consenting adult and everything looked alright. Mark was holding court with lots of women and mates being the unofficial royal court in Henley.
I was making note that all I got going with this guy is the supernatural thing that I affirmed he is God, which doesn't sound pragmatic or real, so I did not elaborate about it at all and that I did fancy him for the first three months. He got a shag because I fancied him. His bold statements that he doesn't want to stay with me for a week after sex, get to know me better but runs out to declare "serious" relationships derailed the whole attraction. I noted that while we were friendly friendly our differences didn't matter, but we had genetic dissonance. I have a low thyroid which is a genetic defect and makes me look slow and stupid and he is super strong,tall and fast. I am analytical and he is a total extrovert, live for the moment. Therefore I should not preach him or try to sell him my concepts because he is already well settled in his genetics, his mentality, his friends and his lifestyle.
On top of that ever since he had told me to "fuck off" at that restaurant, where he was with Elisabeth, on the 8th of June he had been moaning that I have done a scandal and I was trying to destroy his relationships.